Chapter 39

Today is my 39th Birthday. It is hard to believe that I am 1 year away from 40, but I do not regret a single day getting to 39. I have always enjoyed birthdays regardless of how old I get. It is not because I like to receive presents, get a bunch of Facebook Birthday wall messages, or stuffing myself with cake. Okay, maybe I like the cake part, but it is so much more than that to me. It is also a time for me to reflect on the past year and what has happened. It is time to be thankful for all the blessings and evaluate and learn from the mistakes I made in the past year so I can become a better person in the next year of what I am considering "Chapter 39" of my life.

From the time I was a kid, I have always wanted to be the change in the world around me instead of waiting on the change. That mentality has driven me to do and accomplish all the great things I have in my 38 years. I am proud of what I can say I have done and stand for, but there seems as if there is more to be done. Ultimately I want to help and reach more people, so after careful consideration, praying, and discussions with my beautiful wife and close friends, I have decided that my next chapter in life will involve moving into politics.

There are so many things that I have been able to participate in outside of politics that has helped make society around us a better place to live, but I know that a greater change can be made if I am elected.

I thank you all for the support that you have given my family in the past, and I know that I can count on all of you to help keep me accountable to my position of being transparent and authentic as I move into this next chapter.

My promise to you is that I plan to be different than the current landscape of politicians that are seen today. The Republicans are too far right, and the Democrats are too far left leaving leaving a majority of us, and the answers, somewhere in the center. I plan to search for those answers, so that I can represent the majority instead of supporting some parties agenda that was written by an elite few.

The first step to my transition is to get everything I possibly can out of the Leadership Houston Signature Program over the next 10 months. Second is to set up an exploratory committee to determine which office to run for. Finally, I will announce my candidacy and seek your support and your vote if are in my district.

Thank you all again for everything. Stay tuned for more in the coming days...

Ironman Texas Results (5/17/2014)

The alarm went off at 3:30 am, and I was not a very happy camper. I was already drained from driving up to Dallas on Thursday only to come back home on Friday, but I had committed to my best friend, Shauna Hall, that I was going to be there before the swim start to calm her down. Somehow, I had forgotten that I had so many other friends that were going to be there too including fellow team members Karrie Bellard and Jackson Wyers. Fortunately, I was able to see them both throughout the day.

Matthew & Jackson Wyers Before
Swim Start

I got to The Woodlands about 5:00am and set up the Shawn's Anomaly tent in our regular spot on the waterway and run course and rushed over to the swim start where I walked with my friend and 1st timer Pamela Fergusson. She seemed pretty ready for the day. Shauna had not made the pilgrimage, so I decided to hang out by the "Swim Lessuns" guy and get a few laughs. Jackson came by and we snapped a shot before he went off to get ready.

Dylan Signing The H.O.P.E Flag

Finally, Shauna, came up with her family and we started  walking towards the start line. You could tell that she was really nervous, but I just did my best to just keep her smiling and making her laugh. After body marking, we finally found Pam and her son Dylan, who had been Shauna's inspiration from the beginning. She was dedicating the race to him after being born with kidney birth defects that demanded a kidney transplant. At the Houston Marathon, he had placed his name on the H.O.P.E. Flag, and have been supporting Shauna all through her training. They definitely have a very special bond.

We sent Shauna off to get into the water and watched all of the athletes start. It is absolutely amazing to watch the start of an Ironman when 2,500 athletes all start swimming for the same piece of property that can only hold about 300 of them. It is a sight to be seen:

Shauna made it in faster for the 2.4 mile swim than she expected, and we were all excited for her. Once she got past the transition tent, Pam waved her down and pinned the cross Dylan wore through 20 surgeries for protection and strength before she took off on the 112 mile bike ride. 

It is very hard to keep up with the athletes on the bike and nearly impossible to spectate due to traffic and road closures, so you have to depend on modern technology to follow the progression of the athletes like IronTrac and/or if they rent a gps tracker, you can follow them with MyAthleteLive (If you are doing an Ironman, I highly recommend that you rent a tracker. It is totally worth it for the spectators that are there to support you.) I am so glad that Shauna had a gps tracker on because it really helped with what happened next. 

We expected Shauna to have a 6:30:00 or 6:45:00 bike, but after 7 hours passed and still no sight of her, we were all starting to get concerned. All of a sudden the 8 hour mark passed and concern now became fear. Something was obviously wrong, and we did not know what it was. She was either hurt or she had a mechanical error. Finally, we see Shauna show up at the 8:29:52 mark very sick and looking very worn. All of us immediately started to worry about the clock because from where she stood, Shauna was going to have to run a huge PR to even finish on the right side of midnight. She gave her bike to a volunteer and just sat on the ramp crying and defeated. We felt the same way she did, but knew we had to get her moving, so we told her to get up and come to us. She came to us and explained that she was having horrible stomach cramps for the whole bike that caused her to ride horribly slower than her normal pace and the wind just literally took everything out of her. All we wanted to do is get her out on the 26.2 mile run course to at least have a shot. She started running to the changing tent and was out before we could get to the other side. We had missed her for a short time, but noticed her tracker was moving, so we knew that she started on the run.

Finally, Shauna's sister, Krisha, and I ran out to intercept Shauna on the run course to see how she was doing. To our amazement she was looking really strong, but was still complaining about cramping and abdominal pains. By this time, I still have not given her the flag because I did not want to add more stress on her, but she insisted that I did the next time I saw her at the Shawn's Anomaly tent. Krisha and I ran back as fast as possible to the tent to wait for her. Finally she showed up and I passed on the flag, it was a very special and emotional moment for everyone that was there to see it. Shauna and I both cried. 

We all watched her run away, and we started to look at her average miles per minute, and we all came to the conclusion that she was not going to make it in before midnight. We were certain of it, and the only thing that was uncertain was how to tell her that she was not going to finish this race. Several texts back and forth between Barry (her brother-in-law), Krisha, and I trying to determine what to do. Finally, I knew what I had to do. I knew that I was going to have to go out there and run with her just like what we did from the first time we ran Ironman Texas together 2 years ago. I asked Krisha to crunch some numbers to determine what type of pace we needed, and I headed out to intercept her again. Now, keep in mind, I was not wearing the right running gear and I have not ran more than 3 or 4 miles since the Houston Marathon in January, but at least I had running shoes, so I was going to try. 

I finally intercepted her and told her that we needed to maintain at least a 14 minute pace to finish the race. She argued with me for a little while and told me that she had plenty of time. This is nothing abnormal for her considering we argue about pace all the time during training, so I just stated the fact again, "We have to maintain at least a 14 minute pace to finish the race." She stopped arguing and said "Okay". At that time, I was not even sure how much she even had in the tank to finish, because frankly, she was looking pretty pitiful. I decided to test her out and started running a 10:30 pace just to see if she could keep up. She did and we kept that pace for about 2 and a half miles before I let her finish the loop on her own. 

By this time, my battery was going down on my phone, and I did not want to be without it. It was the only real communication we had since the course is so big. I texted Krisha to find out if she had any juice left in her portable charger, but it was out, so I ran to the car and got out my car booster and used it to charge up my phone as I ran to intercept her again when she arrived to Krisha and Barry's location. By the time I got there, Shauna was making the small out and back on the dirt path, and Barry was walking with her and encouraging her. As I walked up, Krisha gave me this look as is she was wondering what the heck I was doing with a car booster. I don't blame her, but to add to it, I gave it to her and asked her to bring it back with her because I was going to run the last loop with Shauna. Krisha never questioned me.

It was after 9pm and darkness had set in by now. The back part of the IMTX course is very dark and lonely. You nearly cannot see down some of those trails because it is pitch black. I knew she did not need to be alone during this time. I was so impressed with Shauna. She was still running when I felt I would not be if I were in her situation. We talked about everything on those dark roads. It was just like the first Ironman we did together in 2012. 

Finally, we made it back to the waterway and she was just two miles away from the finish. We had given her an hour to do 2 miles, and we both knew she was going to make it. She started to get so excited and starting yelling, "I AM GOING TO FINISH! THE H.O.P.E. FLAG IS GOING TO WAVE HIGH!"

I wanted her to suck it all in, so I told her that I was going to the finish to get a good spot so she could soak up the cheering of the supporting crowd. Approximately 30 minutes later, Shauna comes around the finisher shoot waving the H.O.P.E. Flag for all to see. Thousands of people were there, and I am pretty sure there was not a dry eye. SHAUNA DID IT!

There is still so much of this story that could be told, but leaving you with this moment is all that matters. Since that moment, the internet has been blowing up about what she did and how determined she was to finish. Not only did she finish, but she had a personal record 6:15:19 on her run. Something that should not have happened, but did because she had the H.O.P.E. Flag pushing her. 

Picture taken from Ironman.com

When it really boils down to it, her race was very similar to the journey that we as parents of birth defect children have gone through. There is a lot of pain, a lot of sickness, and a lot of uncertainty, but just like Shauna did, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and pressing forward and never giving up. When I got home, I was very sore, exhausted, had chafe in places that I don't even want to mention, and been up for nearly 24 hours. I felt great!

Congratulations Shauna on becoming the 2nd Ironman to carry the H.O.P.E. flag for the marathon portion of an Ironman. The torch, or in this case the flag, was passed along to another great athlete and leader that night, and I could not be more excited about the future of Shawn's Anomaly and the H.O.P.E. Flag. I look forward to seeing who will step up to carry it next. Anyone? It will change your life forever along with changing the lives of all of those that witness your journey while inspiring parents affected by birth defects to keep take it one step at a time. You will never regret it, GUARANTEED. 

The Retirement

The "Iron Lady" herself, Margaret Thatcher, once said to someone about why she retired from politics, "It use to be about trying to do something, and now it is about trying to be someone." Most of the people around her thought that it was just the dementia talking, but I can totally relate to this quote. Most people do good things not because they are wanting to see good things, but because they selfishly want to be praised and feel good about themselves. It is almost common for someone to immediately have this "What's in it for me" thought before being charitable and to constantly need reassurance that their good deeds are being noticed.

From the time I started my journey, I have always said that it was not about me, it was about the journey and the kids. Sometimes that has been confused by some because they can't fathom the fact that someone was actually doing something good for goods sake. It finally led me to make a decision about a month ago to completely retire from training and competing in endurance and Ironman events because I did not want it to be about "me" anymore. The final straw was when Ironman never responded to my inquires regarding the Kona Inspired program that many of us athletes that have unique stories have used as an opportunity to get to the Ironman World Championship in Kona, HI. I later found out that they secretly canceled the program, and I was devastated. Kona Inspired was really the only way I wanted to get to Kona because it is not about me, it was about the community caring a lot about families affected by birth defects and coming together to watch the flag fly on the Ironman World Championship course. Qualifiying for Kona or even winning the lottery was always going to be about me accomplishing something, so that was my last resort and not preferred. The fact is, I may never get that chance now, so I felt it was time to stop killing myself with continuous training and fighting injuries in to what was never really a triathletes body.

It was time to come back to my family and be the husband, father, and son that they needed me to be. Rachel, Shawn, and my mother have supported me so much in the past 4 years. It is all that Shawn has ever known and he constantly talks about Ironman and how he wants to be one. I hope that one day he can, but with his conditions, I am not pushing him that way. If he wants to be an Ironman, a doctor, a ballet dancer, whatever, I am going to be there to support HIS dreams and not the ones that I want for him. 

I always knew that my time as the leader of Shawn's Anomaly and the "Team iDO!" always had an expiration date and a limit to how far I could take it. I often fought that date by taking on a lot more responsibility than maybe I should have. I know my limitations. I am not a writer, public relations guy, non-profit executive, or even a good athlete. I am just a guy that stood up and did something in a situation that I felt something needed to be done. Sure we have had some great success, but an effort to provide education, hope, and help to families affected by birth defects cannot be burdened on one average leader's shoulders alone. It will take a whole community effort and lead by amazing leaders. Please do not be confused, I am not leaving Shawn's Anomaly, I am just stepping back. When I am working behind the scenes and let the other athletes take the glory and the other leaders lead, the Shawn's Anomaly mission is just more effective and has greater impact. I am praying that this mission is inspiring great leaders and athletes to take over and make it bigger and better than ever before. 

H.O.P.E Flag Relay
at Flash Back 10K

Melanie Kerschbaum
Wins Marble Falls

To put it plain and simple, I was burned out and exhausted from all the training for Ironman, competing in Kona Inspired, managing the team, and leading the Shawn's Anomaly mission. If you have not already figured this out by now from my lack of posting and attending some of the events, I semi-secretly decided to step back from Shawn's Anomaly after the Houston Marathon to see if it would continue without my direct hand. I wanted to see if anybody else would step up and continue the forward movement. Fortunately, several of the athletes have. 

Amy Oiler Finishes
The Woodlands Marathon

I watched as Melanie Kerschbaum wore her kit proudly as she won her age group at Marble Falls, I watched Amy Oiler finish her first ever marathon in the The Woodlands while smiling the whole way, and I watched Jackson Wyers sport his Shawn's Anomaly kit like a champ at the Ironman Texas. I even watched several whom I barely knew carry the H.O.P.E. flag in a 10K race. Last but not least, I watched as Shauna Hall trained so hard in the months leading up to her attempt to carry the H.O.P.E. Flag at the Ironman Texas while several people told her that she was crazy for even attempting it. They all were continuing on without me, and I loved it.

Jackson Wyers At Ironman Texas

Winning The "Gold Remi"

I, of course, did not spend all of my time being a couch potato in the past 4 months. Several things have happened including winning a "Gold Remi" award for my short film Last Seat At The Dome at the 2014 Worldfest International Film Festival, I started a media company, we bought a boat so I could wear my "flippy floppies", I started writing a book with my close friends Don Lanier and Adrienne Langelier, and I spent a lot more time with my family and long lost friends. It has been amazing not to have to get up to go running, swimming, or biking before going to work. I could actually sit and have a cup of coffee and read the newsfeed. There have been moments that Shawn's Anomaly has needed my attention, but it was only temporary, and I have been able to handle it and go back to my "retired" life. I am glad to see that the Shawn's Anomaly mission has gone on without me. In my eyes, it needed to do so to become more successful. 

Hanging Out With Rachel & Shawn

Now if you have gotten this far in this post and started to think, "Wow, he sounds like he is not appreciative of all my work and dedication to help and support his cause" then you may be missing the whole point. I am very thankful that so many other people have decided to step up and take on the responsibilities. You have been there when the cause needed you most. Secondly, it is not my cause, it is not about me, and it is not even about Shawn. It all started because of Shawn being born with his birth defects and my journey to become an Ironman in his honor, but that is old news now. It is about all of the other people and athletes that have stepped up and decided to take ownership of the mission to help families with birth defects. It is about educating the general public about how common birth defects are and how it makes a family feel so alone and hopeless. If you ever thought it was about me, then I am sorry. That may have been my fault for not clarify the mission more clearly.  We even considered changing the name to avoid confusion.

About two weeks before the Ironman Texas, my new job asked me to go to Dallas for a business trip on Thursday and Friday before. I thought long and hard about how I did not want to go there just to turn right back around and attend the in The Woodlands all day on Saturday. I had made a commitment, that I would hand off the flag to Shauna, but now I was just thinking about calling her to meet up somewhere before the event to just give it to her so she would have one of her family or even Dylan give it to her on the run. Shauna texted me a week before the race and asked if I was still planning on being there. I had a choice to make at that very moment to either tell her about my selfish plan or say "Yes, I will be there!" Fortunately I, decided to strap up my boots and be there.

to be continued...

2014 Chevron Houston Marathon Coverage

I am getting really excited to carry the H.O.P.E. Flag in honor of all the great families affected by congenital anomalies at the 2014 Houston Marathon, but to be honest, I have been kinda laying low over the past month or so. It was not intentional. I have just been really busy with work, training, and preparing for the 2014 Team iDO! season. Fortunately the H.O.P.E. has found a life of it's own and families continue to virtually sign it and the supporters have carried the story in my absence. The 2014 Houston Marathon is the official kickoff for the team, and I am am so excited that I get to do it and to share with everyone the future of Team iDO!

For the past week on all of the local television station's keep talking about marathon...marathon...marathon...  Then all of a sudden, I saw this commercial:

It became VERY REAL. Before you know it, I was getting texts and Facebook messages from friends and followers about how they saw me carrying the flag on the commercial. It was exciting and scary all at the same time. 

Before every race, the same thing happens. I start to have doubts and start to feel every tight muscle and minor pain.  I come up with questions like, "Can I really do this?" "Will I let everyone down?" "Does anybody really care?" "Is this even possible?"

This feeling is very similar to what a parent feels before they release their child to the hospital or doctors to have surgery.  You have hope, but you also have a small ounce of doubt in the back of your mind. When we were in Shawn's hospital room awaiting a phone call to tell us the results of his surgery, I remember thinking to myself, "The phone will ring and one of two things will happen. Either they will tell me that the surgery was over and Shawn was recovering or that he did not make it." I was prepared for both, but thankfully Shawn survived and has recovered. 

The fact is for 99% of the population, this attempt to carry a flag for 26.2 miles at a busy marathon is impossible, and it is easy to listen to others around you and feel doubt. Fortunately, my son wakes up this morning at the perfect time to reminds me of something.....ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

Shawn was playing with his little toy tools and putting the plastic bolts and nuts together.  He started to put the nut on backwards, but it was not working. He brought it to me and told me that he could not get it to work and needed my help.  

I looked at Shawn and said something that eventually came back to bite me. I said, "Shawn, that is not how it works. You can't do it that way." Shawn then looked at me and said, "You were not supposed be able to do it, but you became and Ironman right?" I immediately grabbed up the bolt and nut and figured out how to do it.  

The fact is if we put our mind towards something, we can DO it. It just takes determination, resilience, dedication, and a lot of HOPE.  I appreciate that my son was used to remind me of that, and I am so excited to carry that H.O.P.E. tomorrow to provide inspiration and that reminder to others.  If you see me out there, make sure to cheer me on. This is a community effort, and I need everyone to help me to the finish line.  LET'S DO THIS!

Let's Be Brave...

I provided a authentic complement to a co-worker, and what happened next was amazing and profound to me.  My co-worker said this to me:

God sent Moses to wonder through the dessert not because he wanted him to suffer, it was because God wanted teach Moses how to survive. God made you go through all that you did with Shawn because he wanted to prepare you for the journey that he planned for you to help so many other people and accomplish great goals. ~Michelle Mares

This comment shook me to the core, but it was in a good way.

My drive is somewhat based on my own insecurities. I have always had this feeling that deep down inside that the world was out to get me.  It all started out when I was in grade school.  I was the kid that always stood out in class not because I was good or smart, it was because I was the class clown.  Often I found myself completely distracted from the lesson that we were going over because I was daydreaming of something that grabbed my attention.

If you are reader of my blog, you have have fallen victim to my inability to spell, but there is a reason for that.  By the time I was 10 years old, I was diagnosed at Texas Scottish Rite hospital with Dyslexia and Attention Deficit Disorder. It was bitter sweet fro my family because finally there was a reason as to why I was not like the other kids.  I was wired differently.  My mother dropped everything to get a certification in learning disabilities to help me and provide my school with the information they needed to accommodate a child with a learning disability.  

I grew up in a very small town of only 1000 citizens, so the administration and teachers were very resentful on having to accommodate for one child.  They often would try to find ways to punish me or discredit the accommodations.  Because the teachers were condescending to me, that lead to the students being the same way, and I soon found myself being left out of the popular crowds.  I would try to do many things to get back in including fabricating huge stories about who my family was or who I hung out with, but that just led to them classifying me as a "Liar". It took years to lose that designation, and it is something that I struggled with till I was in my 20s. 

Finally, I realized that it was not who I knew, or what people perceived me to be is what makes me a part of the crowd. It was how I felt about myself and being transparent enough that everyone could see my flaws.  It was about doing what was right because it was right, and never trying to cut corners. 

I still have that feeling that someone is always looking over my shoulder, but that is what drives me to be the person I am today. That person is not looking over my shoulder to find something to bring me down, it is God looking over my shoulder to move the hurdles from my destined path so I will not fall.

Going through what we did with Shawn help my whole family see clearly how we are surround by death and sickness everyday and how so many out there are not always included because they are different.  Sara Bareilles just released a great song called Brave that really has a great message. One of of my favorite parts of the song is the part where she says:

Everybody’s been there,

Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy

Fallen for the fear

And done some disappearing,

Bow down to the mighty

Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live

Maybe one of these days you can let the light in

Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave

This year, I made a different kind of New Years Resolution.  I am here to be your running/swimming/cycling partner, your accountability partner, and your Q&A guru.

I have learned a lot about training, diet, technique, form, etc. from a lot of knowledgeable people in the past three years that have helped me become a multiple marathon and Ironman finisher and I started as an overweight smoker. What I have learned is free to you.

Tell me your goals and resolutions for 2014 and what I can do to help. Let's take this life that is surrounded by death, sickness and despair, and use it to open our eyes on how to live life to the fullest every day.  Let's go from I Can... or I Will... to iDO! I wanna see you be BRAVE!