The Retirement

The "Iron Lady" herself, Margaret Thatcher, once said to someone about why she retired from politics, "It use to be about trying to do something, and now it is about trying to be someone." Most of the people around her thought that it was just the dementia talking, but I can totally relate to this quote. Most people do good things not because they are wanting to see good things, but because they selfishly want to be praised and feel good about themselves. It is almost common for someone to immediately have this "What's in it for me" thought before being charitable and to constantly need reassurance that their good deeds are being noticed.

From the time I started my journey, I have always said that it was not about me, it was about the journey and the kids. Sometimes that has been confused by some because they can't fathom the fact that someone was actually doing something good for goods sake. It finally led me to make a decision about a month ago to completely retire from training and competing in endurance and Ironman events because I did not want it to be about "me" anymore. The final straw was when Ironman never responded to my inquires regarding the Kona Inspired program that many of us athletes that have unique stories have used as an opportunity to get to the Ironman World Championship in Kona, HI. I later found out that they secretly canceled the program, and I was devastated. Kona Inspired was really the only way I wanted to get to Kona because it is not about me, it was about the community caring a lot about families affected by birth defects and coming together to watch the flag fly on the Ironman World Championship course. Qualifiying for Kona or even winning the lottery was always going to be about me accomplishing something, so that was my last resort and not preferred. The fact is, I may never get that chance now, so I felt it was time to stop killing myself with continuous training and fighting injuries in to what was never really a triathletes body.

It was time to come back to my family and be the husband, father, and son that they needed me to be. Rachel, Shawn, and my mother have supported me so much in the past 4 years. It is all that Shawn has ever known and he constantly talks about Ironman and how he wants to be one. I hope that one day he can, but with his conditions, I am not pushing him that way. If he wants to be an Ironman, a doctor, a ballet dancer, whatever, I am going to be there to support HIS dreams and not the ones that I want for him. 

I always knew that my time as the leader of Shawn's Anomaly and the "Team iDO!" always had an expiration date and a limit to how far I could take it. I often fought that date by taking on a lot more responsibility than maybe I should have. I know my limitations. I am not a writer, public relations guy, non-profit executive, or even a good athlete. I am just a guy that stood up and did something in a situation that I felt something needed to be done. Sure we have had some great success, but an effort to provide education, hope, and help to families affected by birth defects cannot be burdened on one average leader's shoulders alone. It will take a whole community effort and lead by amazing leaders. Please do not be confused, I am not leaving Shawn's Anomaly, I am just stepping back. When I am working behind the scenes and let the other athletes take the glory and the other leaders lead, the Shawn's Anomaly mission is just more effective and has greater impact. I am praying that this mission is inspiring great leaders and athletes to take over and make it bigger and better than ever before. 

H.O.P.E Flag Relay
at Flash Back 10K

Melanie Kerschbaum
Wins Marble Falls

To put it plain and simple, I was burned out and exhausted from all the training for Ironman, competing in Kona Inspired, managing the team, and leading the Shawn's Anomaly mission. If you have not already figured this out by now from my lack of posting and attending some of the events, I semi-secretly decided to step back from Shawn's Anomaly after the Houston Marathon to see if it would continue without my direct hand. I wanted to see if anybody else would step up and continue the forward movement. Fortunately, several of the athletes have. 

Amy Oiler Finishes
The Woodlands Marathon

I watched as Melanie Kerschbaum wore her kit proudly as she won her age group at Marble Falls, I watched Amy Oiler finish her first ever marathon in the The Woodlands while smiling the whole way, and I watched Jackson Wyers sport his Shawn's Anomaly kit like a champ at the Ironman Texas. I even watched several whom I barely knew carry the H.O.P.E. flag in a 10K race. Last but not least, I watched as Shauna Hall trained so hard in the months leading up to her attempt to carry the H.O.P.E. Flag at the Ironman Texas while several people told her that she was crazy for even attempting it. They all were continuing on without me, and I loved it.

Jackson Wyers At Ironman Texas

Winning The "Gold Remi"

I, of course, did not spend all of my time being a couch potato in the past 4 months. Several things have happened including winning a "Gold Remi" award for my short film Last Seat At The Dome at the 2014 Worldfest International Film Festival, I started a media company, we bought a boat so I could wear my "flippy floppies", I started writing a book with my close friends Don Lanier and Adrienne Langelier, and I spent a lot more time with my family and long lost friends. It has been amazing not to have to get up to go running, swimming, or biking before going to work. I could actually sit and have a cup of coffee and read the newsfeed. There have been moments that Shawn's Anomaly has needed my attention, but it was only temporary, and I have been able to handle it and go back to my "retired" life. I am glad to see that the Shawn's Anomaly mission has gone on without me. In my eyes, it needed to do so to become more successful. 

Hanging Out With Rachel & Shawn

Now if you have gotten this far in this post and started to think, "Wow, he sounds like he is not appreciative of all my work and dedication to help and support his cause" then you may be missing the whole point. I am very thankful that so many other people have decided to step up and take on the responsibilities. You have been there when the cause needed you most. Secondly, it is not my cause, it is not about me, and it is not even about Shawn. It all started because of Shawn being born with his birth defects and my journey to become an Ironman in his honor, but that is old news now. It is about all of the other people and athletes that have stepped up and decided to take ownership of the mission to help families with birth defects. It is about educating the general public about how common birth defects are and how it makes a family feel so alone and hopeless. If you ever thought it was about me, then I am sorry. That may have been my fault for not clarify the mission more clearly.  We even considered changing the name to avoid confusion.

About two weeks before the Ironman Texas, my new job asked me to go to Dallas for a business trip on Thursday and Friday before. I thought long and hard about how I did not want to go there just to turn right back around and attend the in The Woodlands all day on Saturday. I had made a commitment, that I would hand off the flag to Shauna, but now I was just thinking about calling her to meet up somewhere before the event to just give it to her so she would have one of her family or even Dylan give it to her on the run. Shauna texted me a week before the race and asked if I was still planning on being there. I had a choice to make at that very moment to either tell her about my selfish plan or say "Yes, I will be there!" Fortunately I, decided to strap up my boots and be there.

to be continued...